Time for Change

Many changes in our lives over the last several months. Change is good. Change can be painful. Change forces us to take stock of what's important to us and make adjustments. And change is always nice to find in the laundry.

At the tail end of Thanksgiving break - I let my college sons know we thought we'd pick out a Christmas tree the following weekend if they wanted to join us. Every year we go out to a tree farm, hike through the mud, drink hot cocoa and "discuss" the perfect tree. Mind you, I use quotes because you can imagine what it's like for 5 people, who all have their own idea of the perfect tree, who have been raised to voice their opinion ...add to that we live in the Northwest, which means there are many varieties to offer. Since our college sons live close by, I thought it might be fun to go out together on the weekend. Little did I know this was another change.

Mark was very kind when he suggested he might not be available - so maybe we should just go and he would join us if he could. It turned into a bit of a lengthy conversation on independence and the pursuit of "doing my own thing." At one point, he asked if I could promise my feelings weren't going to be hurt. That's one promise I cannot make - but "I will do my very best not to manipulate you with my blubbering, bleeding heart" I reassured him. It started a series of changes for our family this season.

We planned to get our tree a little earlier this year as we had bumped up the date of our annual "Who-bilation Christmas Celebration" so the college friends who were still in town could come by for some festive atmosphere and homeyness before finals week. I had just about given up on going out to get a tree when my dear husband asked if he could just go get it while I was at a women's brunch. At this point, I didn't really care, our party was the next day - and I agreed.

When I came home, I opened the door to the most glorious smell and the perfect tree. It was BEAUTIFUL!!! Bonus, my shoes weren't muddy, my sanity in check and there it stood, our Christmas Tree. Thank you Jesus for this momentous occasion. This was the first year in our 22 years of marriage Paul did the hunt on his own. I asked him how it went, thinking maybe it was a sad moment. He said it was amazing. He went to two local tree lots, found the perfect tree in less than 15 minutes and his family still loved one another.

Later that evening while Paul was putting the lights on the tree, he tossed out another possible change. You see, over the years, we have given each of our boys their own ornament, with the notion one day they will have a tree of their own with decorations that reminded them of childhood. The tree decorating is full of memories and nostalgia we rehearse as we decorate. I LOVE that! Paul suggested we not decorate the tree as a family - but let the guests at the "Whobilation" decorate it as a fun activity. Have I ever mentioned how brilliant my husband is? Well, he's a smart one for certain!!

And there we were, with another change. This change, though a little painful, gave me greater peace this Christmas time. Can I ask, what is giving you peace this season? How are you welcoming change in your life?

The GREEN River

I’d like you to know something about me. I dream. I dream vivid dreams. I dream in color. I dream crazy things, and I dream beautiful things. I am not talking about the kind of dreams that are inspired in my consciousness, but the ones that happen somewhere in the REM cycle. And ready for this, I believe God often speaks to me in my dreams.

Often when I have dreams which are significant – they occur more than once and I can still picture today in detail, what these dreams were. Sometimes, I am not sure if it was a dream, or something that really happened, because the detail was so vivid and familiar. It helps that I write my dreams down, and then I know they were dreams…..and not a recollection of an actual experience. I think this is a blessing, though odd at times, a blessing because of my relationship with my God. I’d like to tell you about a dream I had over three weeks ago.

I was riding in an old truck. I wasn’t the one driving the truck but someone I knew. I cannot identify who it was. Sitting on my right was one of my sons. At this point in the dream, I don’t know who it is, but I know he’s my son. We are riding down a dirt road with a hillside on our right and a beautiful green river on the left. The river was an unusual color of green. Almost like an antique milk glass green. The water was opaque and running swiftly. I kept my eye on the water as it was so beautiful.

The driver of the truck and I were talking about ideas and plans. I don’t know quite what it was – but the kind of conversation where we were headed in the same direction. Bouncing ideas back and forth and getting excited about our discussion. Then there was a turning point in the conversation.

I am not sure what was said, but it became clear, I wasn’t in agreement with something the driver had suggested. And it was clear, he wasn’t happy about it. As he looked at me with anger in his eyes, he carefully laid the truck into the river. It wasn’t a crash, but an intentional laying down the truck into the river.

(One of the things I am fearful of is drowning in a body of water, as a result of being stuck in a vehicle.)

The next thing I remember, my son, who I can now identify as my youngest son Andrew, and I were on top of the water, floating in the river. The truck was sinking and I no longer saw the driver. I remember thinking, “What just happened?”  I knew however, that Andrew and I were ok – in that beautiful GREEN RIVER. Then I woke up.

If you take a look at the biblical symbolism of the elements in the dream, you will find some interesting things. (Elements being the driver, family, accident, the river, the green color) Here is my take.

I was riding along with someone else in control – with someone I am responsible for, family, by my side. We were at the mercy of the driver. When the driver became unhappy that I couldn’t agree, he took me to one of my greatest fears and attempted to destroy me and my family. The driver had no idea he was laying me into the hands of the Father, the Holy Spirit washing over me with joy, comfort, peace and hope. We were going to be ok.

I believe this dream to be a message to me, and I hope encouragement to you. When you submit your life to the hands of your Creator – even in your deepest fears, he will bring your comfort and beauty.

Baking for Boys

When I was in grade school, I remember coming to Oregon on a visit (we were living in Texas at the time) to visit some of my mom's cousins. She has a cousin, named Eva May. Our visit to Cousin Eva May's was memorable. She baked fresh bagels in her kitchen and sold them at a local bakery. They were the most delicious. In Texas, we'd never eaten bagels. These were divine. I can still remember her boiling what looked like to be donuts. I think we filled our freezer in the camper with her delightful baked goodies. She made all kinds of flavors.

This past fall, when Mark and Tim were in the early weeks of their freshmen year of college, I began baking. It's now an official part of our week. I bake Tuesday nights, I text them on Wednesday morning to let them know where to pick up their fresh baked items from the kitchen. I have only repeated a recipe a few times - chocolate chip cookies for instance. This week - I tried something new - bagels.

Since they were pretty simple - and better than what you will find wrapped in a plastic bag in your local grocery - I thought I'd share.

Simple Bagels - makes 1 Dozen 
I have indicated the ingredients you need in bold so it's easier to make your grocery list - or determine what you need. Happy Baking!!

1. Dissolve 1 tsp yeast in 1 1/4 Cup of warm milk (110-115 degrees)
2. Add 1/4 C softened butter, 2 T sugar, 1 t salt and 1 egg yolk
3. Mix Well
4. Stir in 3 3/4 C flour - knead dough 10 minutes
5. Add flavors you'd like as you knead - I used 2 tsp cinnamon and a handful of raisins - you could add minced onion and shredded cheese, garlic etc...
6. Form dough into a large ball in place in a greased bowl, cover and let rise for an hour
7. Punch dough down and form into small balls - about the size of a racketball - poke a hole in the center and stretch a little - set on a non stick cookie sheet
8. Let bagels onto cookie sheet while you boil a pan of water and preheat oven to 400 degrees
9. Drop bagels into water 1-3 at a time and wait until they float (15 seconds or so). Remove from pot and put on cookie sheet.
10. Bake at 400 degrees ~ 13-20 minutes (depending on your oven) - brown on the bottom and golden on the top.
11. Cool on a wire rack!  YUMMY!!

A couple of pictures of the process....

Bagels boiling in the water

Pasta scoop to lift bagels out of the water

Listening to and with your Heart

It was 19 years ago this very month that we received the news: Our boys we were excited to welcome to the world had less chance of surviving than living. While a senior in college, here at George Fox, I was diagnosed with a rare syndrome, and the first specialist recommended that we go ahead and terminate the pregnancy. My husband and I weren’t about to consider this option, but didn’t know what to do. This began a series of visits to see specialists and make some big decisions. It was a conversation with a perinatologist that forever changed my perspective on parenting.

After a review of my case, and several tests, Dr. Jackson asked me a simple question: “How do you feel?” While I had this unusual syndrome, my pregnancy “felt” completely normal – albeit being a bit larger than even most moms carrying twins. He agreed that things didn’t look very promising, but asked me what I thought about what was going on. What was my gut telling me? I was slightly puzzled by this question because I was just a college student, and though I’d considered medical school, I was just now an undergrad student in a liberal arts college. What did he mean? He then explained: No matter what the statistics are in a case like yours, and no matter what the test results show, as a mom, you have been given instinct. Only you know what that is for your child. He wanted to know what my heart was saying about the situation.

I knew in my heart things were going to be all right. I didn’t know what that meant completely, but I knew that we needed to proceed and do what we could to protect Mark and Tim’s lives. And because of my deep faith in the God of all creation, I knew I could trust him. I could trust God to walk me through whatever was in front of us. Whether these boys would survive was out of my control, but I could trust the future to him. It was my hope, of course, that this was a nightmare I would quickly wake up from. I had no real idea this was a dream and a journey of incredible significance – one that God would use to show me his grace and allow me to be a comfort to others in similar circumstances. (You see, that’s what God does. He uses our lives to bring about his purposes, when we allow him to. We simply need to listen.)

As a parent, you can read all of the books, listen to well-known experts in the area of child psychology, and prepare financially for the little bundles that you dream about and one day welcome to your home. And then you have a moment in your parenting when all that matters is what you know to be true in your heart. You have a gut instinct when it comes to your children. I believe that instinct is most often driven by the Holy Spirit speaking directly to us. We should listen.

Our culture most often encourages us to tell life what you want, tell others what you want … tell, tell and tell. I am learning once again how important it is to listen, listen and listen. Learning to listen to the Holy Spirit takes time. It seems that Jesus spent the majority of his ministry years doing just that - listening. He was often found coming back from, going to or in the midst of listening to His Father. I want to model my life after his - and take more time to listen - listen to and with my whole heart. How about you?